Wednesday 16 July 2014

Compensation of HR professionals

Dad was SO right!

My Dad, Pierre Elliot Ramsbottom, used to tell me, "Gloria if your job entails kissing your boss's arse, you'd better get well paid".

Lucky me! Due to my HR business partnership, I never need to kiss CEO Stan's butt. 

I do work hard on"People Day", which is every 2nd Thursday -that is when I solve people problems.

However, I am very well paid, netting about $150,000 a year. I earn every penny. As EVP HR, I work very hard:
  1. I text 18 hours a day, on 3 phones, blindfolded.
  2. Even when I fly (business class), I do email, even in my sleep.
  3. I get calls at all hours of the day from Wifey, CEO Stan's better half, who reads too many management articles.
  4. I manage the collateral damage that Cynthia Axe causes by "dint" of her role as downsizing czar. Czar is not a French word. I learnt the word "dint" in a spelling "bea".
  5. I listen to the asinine whining of Hugh White, the white heterosexual who runs Diversity.
Clearly, the fact that I speak French adds to my market value, although French is a dying business language, almost like Russian.

Hugh White and Cynthia Axe earn $40,000 a year. Over the next two decades, in alignment with my core value of self preservation, they will given a raise.
The salary I get does not buy my loyalty. Hardly at all. I can only remember 233 cases when I acted against `my better judgement``. I remember only 7 or 8 cases when I fired people who were setting up a union.

Dad used to tell me `you are worse that Fibber McGee, Gloria``.

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