Use of a Voice Menu to rebrand our response to the so called Corona virus

Ramsbottom, Axe and a very white Hugh White
A votre service

A major component of HR's re-branding strategy is our user

friendly voice mail on all issues pertaining to the so-called 

corona pandemic.

All of our covid-related services, including provision of the 

corporate mask with my signature, are now easily accessed via

voice mail.

And a word of thanks (merci) to my coach, who flips burgers as well as works in appreciative inquiry, for these wow ideas.

Main Menu of our voice mail:

1. For the big data storage room and access to the Russian vaccine, press 0.
2. For medium and small data as well as rumours, and a AZ shot straight from England, press 1.
3. For blockchain driven remote tooth extraction delivered on line by a Russian dental assistant, press 2.
4. To hear the top wow 10 top HR slogans in Gloria's shrill voice, press 3, then 4.
5. For a certain Ms Cynthia Axe, Head of our beloved Early Bird Retirement Plan, Employability Czar and  Anti-Stress Coach, press 4. 
6. To order in supper from Spanish restaurant at midnight, press 34
7. To hear about our 2023 growth plan, press 6.
8. For sexual harassment issues, please contact our legal consultants: McDuff, McNamara, McCarthy and Mack Cohen.
9. For minor health issues related to corona-related gasping, please read the small print of our health insurance plan. (English translation available soon)
10. For Hugh White from Diversity, type in G for Gay- S for straight-NC for non Caucasian-or DA for disability, and you will be transferred to an attendant.
11. To hear about HR's business partnership with CEO Stan, stay on the line and speak to an " attendant" in Kazakhstan, who is now acquiring some English skills.
12. To get an almost certified exemption from wearing a mask on flights, send 10 pounds to Ramsbottom House, Ramsbottom Lane, Marsh Path, Mill Hill, NW 7
13. For talent management, career path, knowledge management and others fads of the week, please hang up and we will return your call when we start seeing revenue from our non wow products.
14. To accept grim reality like no sunlight or covid yet  smile, sign up for our Danish language webinar.
15. For Gloria Ramsbottom, EVP HR, Coach and Chief People Officer, please contact one of my empowered lackeys. I personally am focused on the business. Tak.