Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Use of a Voice Menu as Part of a Re-branding Strategy

Ramsbottom, Axe and a very white Hugh White
A votre service

A major component of HR's re-branding strategy is our user friendly voice mail. 
All of our services, including the downsizing services provided by Ms Cynthia Axe, are now easily axe-cellible via voice mail.
And a word of thanks (merci) to my coach, who flips burgers as well as works in appreciative inquiry, for these wow ideas.

Main Menu:

  1. For big data and big data storage room,  press 0.
  2. For medium and small data as well as rumors, press 1.
  3. For your key objectives and to sign up to be slightly more engaged, press 2.
  4. To hear the top wow 10 top HR slogans in Gloria's shrill voice, press 3, then 4.
  5. For a certain Ms Cynthia Axe, Head of our beloved Early Bird Retirement Plan, Employability Czar and  Anti-Stress Coach, press 4. 
  6. To hear this menu in a tribal language like Russian, Hebrew, Afrikaans, Arabian or Chinese, press 5.
  7. To hear about our 2019 growth plan, press 6.
  8. For sexual harassment issues, please contact our legal consultants: McDuffMcNamara, McCarthy and Mack Cohen.
  9. For minor health issues, please read the small print of our health insurance plan. (English translation available soon)
  10. For Hugh White from Diversity, type in G for Gay- S for straight-NC for non Caucasian-or DA for disability, and you will be transferred.
  11. To hear about HR's business partnership with Stan, stay on the line and speak to an " attendant" in Kazakhstan, who is now acquiring some English skills.
  12. For talent management, career path, knowledge management and others fads of the week, please hang up and we will return your call when we start seeing revenue from our non wow products.
  13. For a career coach, press 4.
  14. For Gloria Ramsbottom, EVP HR, Coach and Chief People Officer, please contact one of my empowered lackeys.

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