Friday, 17 January 2014

Employees encouraged to fire one another.

Downsizing: Viral Gangman Style
Mais oui!

In an 20 minute HR offsite today which I facilitated in my office with most mobile phones silent some of the time, it was decided on the Viral Downsizing Marketing Initiative.

The meeting was attended by a certain Ms Cynthia Axe, yours truly, and the reluctant Caucasian heterosexual who heads Diversity, Hugh White.

Here are the details of this initiative, to be launched... by text today.

1) Every candidate for our Early Bird Retirement Plan who provides the names of one other useless employee gets a membership card free of charge for the Retirement Club. The card has a picture of Kim Jong Un`s beloved Uncle Jang.

Uncle Jang, about to retire
2) Every candidate for our Early Bird Retirement Plan who provides the name of two other useless people gets an anti stress message from a certain Cynthia Axe for a reduced fee, yet to be determined.

3) If the"useless employee(s)" whose name is provided has a poor English accent, the referring employee gets a square of cost-effective lasagna, prepared by our CEO Stan's personal chef, K Ray Beauregard-Goldstein. K. Ray has mixed ethnicity.

4) People is my middle name on Tuesdays. The other days-j`men calice. This is a random thought, not part of the marketing plan. (J'men calice means I don't give a fuck, in French)

6) People who deal in Big Data are exempt from this initiative since our CEO gets sexually when he hears the term Big Data.

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