Thursday, 30 January 2014

The term business partnership gets me sexually aroused

Texting words of re-engagement to our slovenly engineers

On Friday. a certain Ms Cynthia Axe, Head of our  Involuntary Early Bird Retirement Plan, re-sized R&D from 350 bums down to 288 heads, in line with our core values of "HR business partnership". The term "business partner" gets me sexually aroused.

I will  provide the newly "liberated engineers" with some soft-skill coaching-via-text on the weekend, to soften the landing in a humane fashion, in line with my core value constant self-promotion.

CEO Stan texted me and cc'd a certain Ms Cynthia Axe, whose photo appears below.
  • "Glo, I do not want to see any despondency and foot dragging when we all get in on Monday. I want folks fully re engaged "by  Wednesday". "And Glo", he followed up by with a second text,"I will hold your sexy feet to the fire if I do not see a passion to win by the end of the week". (I never knew Stan gawked at my legs.)

Axe (Cynthia) and I brainstormed-here is the plan.

  • EVERY employee will get text a text message saying : "To cool Stan's rage, let's re-engage"!
  • Paper cups will be replaced by cups with our outdated logo. Each cup will be engraved with:  Stan's patience is thin, show a passion to win."
  • On the elevators and bulletin boards, we will show our forecast of  ax-pected growth for 2018 with the slogan: Bust your butt, or we'll be in a rut.
  • Asap, our entire staff will have a weekend in Damascus to build team spirit. Damascus is in Syria. ( Assad, btw, has a very long neck.)
Axe (Cynthia)

You can follow me on Twitter @GRamsbottom

No comments:

Post a Comment