CEO Stan reviewed the Q1 2016 estimated earnings report today.
Stan's anger was so immense, that it was classified as Big Data.Stan convened a meeting of R&D, what's left of Sales as well as his valued Business Partners in HR.
Stan re-introduced the concept of stretch goals, using 3 brief sentences:
1) We are migrating to "stretch goals" as of now.
2) 90% of all goals for 2016 must be stretch goals.
3) No one is exempt from Stretch Goals except Big Data, but the amount of Data we now have is "already too much".
Stan gave 4 wow examples of stretch goals:
1) For procurement-push 3 suppliers a week into receivership. This is in line with our core values of profit sharing.
2) For Sales, sell products which don't f--k--g exist.
3) For HR, treble the recruitment to our
Involuntary Early Bird Retirement Plan and quadruple the morale.
4) All engineers speak English so "I can understand the damn con calls."
And then Stan wrapped up the meeting: "Gloria, I will hold your pretty feet to the fire to make these stretch goals happen; I don't care if you have to hire an orthopedic surgeon to enable better stretching "