Sunday, 15 December 2013

To talk is human, to text briefly is divine.

On the way to people-free HR

Starting today, all performance evaluation will be done by text.

This is in line with our key values of "user-friendly" and "people-free HR". (We update our scared core values weekly, based on input from big data, seasoned with my animal like instincts.)

Several factors have led to this decision:

1) Heavy accents make oral communication too lengthy. Our Russian, Indian, Thai and Israeli engineers level of English makes texting the preferred "venue" of communication, venue being a French word.

2) Performance Evaluation "enabled" by text bypasses the aggravating requests for salary increases by Russian engineers who want to send money home. 

3) Performance Evaluation "enabled" by text ends the need to deal with the Israeli tendency to argue with their ranking.

3) Texting will keep the process brief. This brevity is in line with the next version of upcoming HR mission statement-To talk may be human, but to text briefly is divine.

You can follow me on Twitter @GRamsbottom.


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