Issuing RFP! Guidelines for Coaching, Change Managers and other vendors.

With the administrative assistance of a certain Ms Cynthia Axe, the head our Early Bird Retirement Plan, and in coordination with heterosexual and white Diversity Chief, Hugh White, I have published the following directive to our Coaching, OD and Change Management vendors, so that each profession knows which R.F.P. to they each need to manage.

Please read carefully, and buzz off, because we have a vendor-less change and training program.

A coach deals with individuals and tries not to impact the system because otherwise, he, or she for that matter, might be effective. A coach studied coaching, and perhaps flower arrangement and fast food store management. Coaches use words like "sustainable and global" all the time. They stopped using the words "TQM and re engineering." Coaches spell the work censor, as in "satire should be censored as part of HR police-Y."

A consultant deals with irrelevant issues like processes, alignment, undermining HR and Talent Management. Consultants studied psychology, sociology and even community  organizing. Some even studied organizational behaviour, which is absurd! Organizations make money, for heaven sake  They do not behave! Consultants use fewer buzzwords, because many of them have no work. Consultants claim that they are sensors, while HR is looking for censors, for heaven sake.

A change manager deals with templates which provide a sense of "certainty". A Change Manager studied weather forecasting, which is why they make very clear and concise commitments. Change managers are cogent, crisp and clear, although they often off-plan. I love word "cogent". Change Managers make "sense" of change, by making it predictable, not like OD slobs.