Wednesday, 16 October 2013

How to break into HR and start a wow career

Almost never be non discrete

I gave a lecture "How to Break into HR and start a wow career" this very morning to a Community College. The audience was a secretarial course, interspersed  with a few people from  a Purchasing and Supply Chain course. 

This was the ideal milieu to lecture to. Milieu is a French word.I delivered the lecture by Skype, as I was driving into work. (I was texting at the same time, on 2 phones!)

Here were the main points of what I said. They are like 10 commandments, although I do not frequent houses of worship.
  1. Love of people is almost absolutely critical, and pleasing your boss is even more critical, without an `almost``.  If your boss views  people as spare parts, then he needs to watch a webinar on soft skills.
  2. Texting is the essence communication. Texting (sending sms) is a mission critical skill for an HR manager. 400 words a minute on a Blackberry Priv is industry standard. 
  3. COPensation and travel policy can be relegated to Finance because no one is ever happy and people need to love HR.
  4. Big Data, if you ever understand what it is, may, or may not, be important. I think big data is erotic.
  5. Designing Voice Menus for HR services is more important than texting.
  6. Practice sitting down at a mahogany table, elegantly but with assertiveness. Sit like a ``lady``.
  7. Hire someone like Cynthia Axe and pay her well, that your days may be long upon the Earth.
  8. Don't use buzzwords; use words with impact like ``paperless``, ``stretch goals``, "leverage", "global", "internet-of-things", "sustainable" all the time.
  9. Be discrete.
  10. When you hear rumors, text them to your boss, although you must remain discrete.

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