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| The ladies of HR to generate mid size data |
Revenue is falling off, the banks are applying pressure and R&D Chief Carl Marks has noted "some minor progress" in the prioritization the 343,912 bugs in our new product.
This means that Cynthia Axe will get new and improved quotas for her Early Bird Retirement Plan, which is not all the voluntary.
Axe is enjoying a period of organizational recognition; she recently uncovered a huge scandal (of a sexual nature) and received a Blackberry Passport, against my better judgement.
Wifey has become very critical of Stan (her husband) as of late. To be more direct, Wifey claims that Stan has an end-of-career crisis, and runs after young ladies.
Wifey is also convinced that Stan lacks data to run the company, and therefore flirts too much. In addition,
Wifey realizes that HR (in their capacity as business partner) are the only people who can help her hapless husband run the company.
In the capacity, Wifey asked me to provide Stan with "data to manage the company".
Cynthia (Axe), Hugh (White) and I sat down and operationalized this into a plan:
1) Axe will provide data on people she has fired. This is big data.
2) Hugh will provide data on how many non Caucasians in our company speak foreign tongues. This is trite and meaningless data, unless you are into diversity and tree hugging.
3) I will provide data on the number of texts/sms I send a day with "mission critical data". This is massive data.
Hum! Sounds like big data redefined. The good news in this plan is the elimination of large and complex data sets saving difficult statistical analysis and fancy data processing applications.
ReplyDeleteHum! Sounds like big data redefined. The good news in this plan is the elimination of large and complex data sets saving difficult statistical analysis and fancy data processing applications.
ReplyDelete