Saturday, 10 August 2013

Contingency Workforce

Mais oui!

On my way to the airport on my way  to see 'someone" in France, I got a text from Wifey about a gr8 article she had just read (in the online version of Scotland's Daily Record)  about  "Building a Contingency Workforce".

Wifey is our CEO's beloved wife, avid reader, and sister of my arch enemy, Sybil Civil, whose career ended in Mount Nebo, when she tried to undermined me, and failed.

Wifey called me to say "Glo, let's surprise our dear Stanley with a ready made plan on Continency Workforce Planning when he gets back from Japan".

I forwarded this task by text (backed up by whatsapp) to a certain Ms Cynthia Axe, Head of our Early Bird Retirement Plan. 

Ms Axe asked  me if she could consult a certain Winston Wu, IT lead. I told Axe that if she even came within ten feet of that cunning Winston Wu, she herself would become contingent.

With ten minutes, I received the 4 point "transition plan" to Contingency Labour Force Management from Axe:

1-The Early Bird Retirement Program would be re-branded as "Contingency Work Force Outplacement Plan".The Program would be led by a certain Cynthia Axe.
2-Our Engineering Department will get paid, contingent on our new product actually working. 
3-Text messages would constantly update all our salaried workforce of jobs outside the company. The text messages will be in English.
4-All IT will be outsourced immediately and the useless and costly IT department disbanded. Winston Wu will got an old 4th hand Nokia and his role will consist of looking for ways to sharpen Cynthia's axe.
4-Cynthia Axe will get a new Blackberry Q 10.

I texted Axe: "Gr8 work Axe-but no BB  Q10." 

Then, I got a shocking text from Stan, "Why have Cynthia Axe and Winston Wu asked for a concall with me, alone?"

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