Measuring wellness

Mais oui-I solved this on my own!

CEO Stan texted and asked to develop measurement tools for measuring wellness. 

I believe that Stan may be influenced by North Korean journals, which speak of the happy masses.

I texted Ms Axe (Cynthia) who is spending a weekend with a new life partner for the first time, asking for her input; Axe texted me back, "not now, Gloria!"

I texted my coach (who is also a faith healer and flips burgers) and s/he told me that "wellness is all in the mind".

My Dad Pierre Elliot would have said, "what a stupid and impractical attitude! For Christ sake, how did s/he ever get a PhD in coaching?"

I googled "measuring wellness" but got distracted reading about new applications for the Blackberry Passport.

Finally, I took 2 minutes and thought this out on my own. Here is what I managed to churn out in terms of wellness criteria:

1-How well do our needy nerds appreciate the business partnership of HR?

2-How well are our big data geeks appreciative of the fact that Ms Axe has aggressive stretch goals to re-size our firm, which is not so firm?

3-How well do the Engineers avoid speaking their tribal languages like Russian and Chinese. (Russia is spoken ONLY by Russians and it takes 40 years to learn Chinese.)

4-And how well can HR and Finance feign understanding terms like "internet of things" and agile.

5-How well do the masses of foreign nerds in Engineering trust that HR/RH will return their passports?