Thursday 11 April 2013

New voice menu for HR

Press 3 

Following a round table (I love that democratic and inclusive word), our great and erratic leader Stan has once again revised our working working working from home policy.

1) Stan reaffirms his support of work work work work life balance. Stan is the family man!
For heaven's sake, why do I need to keep saying this?

2) From 0700-2200,  there shall be no work from home. However, on the way to the office and on the way from the office, one must-can-must-should be on con calls. Going thru a tunnel is no excuse. Miss Cynthia Axe will monitor compliance using  web based technology. Ms Axe is the Head of our semi-Voluntary Early Bird Retirement Plan.

3) CEO Stan has caved into popular demands, and from 2200-0700, work from home is allowed, albeit not fully encouraged.

4) If, between 2200-0700, one is engaged in another activity, HR will provide a new voice menu to allow you to "align" your behaviour.

  • Press 1 if you are in the toilet
  • Press 2 if you are engaging in non-virtual parenting.
  • Press 3 if you are engaged in brief sexual activity. 
  • Press 4 if you want to purchase my book "Early Retirement and Life Life Balance and Poverty" at a 4% discount

5) HR supports work life balance. HR supports family life. HR supports a warm home atmosphere in the workplace.

6) For those who want to get coaching on how to be more efficient in the evening, we are providing web based access to coaching service in Bolivia and our vendor is learning English in a timely fashion.

7) For those parents considering another child, please contact Ms Ax for an interview, and rregister  for our wow downsizing portal.

  Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux, a votre service.

1 comment:

  1. This blog is bizarre and I love it. Thank you.


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