Thursday, 7 March 2013

Multi tasking in the toilet is non healthy

Stan likes multitasking-eating and thinking

Our great leader and CEO, Stan, recently viewed a webinar prepared by HR on how multitasking  vastly increases the quality of life. 

Stan spends time managing whilst "walking around" at the same time which Stan views as multi-tasking. He also views eating cost effective lasagna and managing at the same time as multi-tasking. Yet Stan is less impressed by the ways others multi-task.....

Stan  walked around toilet and overheard a conversation in which the Head of Sales (who was in stall two) was carrying out a non appreciative inquiry about product status with Comrade Carl Mark in stall 19. Comrade Carl heads our R&D department. Stan did not like this multi-tasking.

Stan also overheard people in stall 4,8 and 6 discussing Stan's  management style in "non-neutral non-positive manner". 

Subsequently, Stan decided that talking in the toilet is "non-wow" multi-tasking and asked me to issue new  guidelines on  multi-tasking.

1) No calls will be allowed whilst in the washroom unless you are using a Blackberry Priv. (My brothers, Frank and Ernest, work in Blackberry).

2) Client related texting, however, is to be allowed at all times. Employees must be able to text 300  words a minute. A webinar to provide these skills will be prepared "in a timely fashion", which is a cliche I often use. Cliche is a French word.

3) Taking Stan's name in vain whilst talking in the can will result in a "one on one" with Ms. Cynthia Axe, from Early Bird Retirement. 
Ms Axe is one of the least popular employees in HR. 
Axe has started to work with a reputation coach who uses appreciative inquiry combined with faith healing, which hopefully will make Axe more popular.

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