Working from home: Updated Policy in face of the Corona Virus

I text from home.

Stan, our cunning and ambiguous CEO, believes that if and when employees get home, they should not work from home.

"This policy and the so-called corona virus scare are in full alignment", stated Stan.

"A man's home is his castle", Stan is even quoted as saying as he headed off for a three week visit to the Asian offices coupled with a few days of rest in Koh Samui Thailand, alone. Wifey is staying behind at home to read management articles.

Stan has asked HR to be vigilant while he is gone, ensuring that His will be done, "while showing sensitivity for the needs of the business, in an agile manner, whatever that means. Before he left, he asked me to update our working from home policy, "ensuring full alignment with the federal guideline for the corona virus, so that we don't get our asses sued".

So, here are the updated changes to our "no work from home policy".

1-No con-calls are to start after 10 PM, except on major projects.

2-The corona virus can be be prevented by a high level of engagement, and washing your hands after leaving the toilet.

3-Work from home makes no sense if your spouse or brats have corona. You yourself can be infected heaven sake.

4-People who do not work from home may be entitled to a career path, albeit a lateral one.

5-Joining/recruitment to our Early Bird Retirement Plan (life begins at 40) is not impacted  if you  work from home to avoid  corona, unless deemed "appropriate" by the Head of Early Retirement, Miss Cynthia Axe, Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux.

Why work from home?