Saturday, 16 February 2013

Internet of Things as aphrodisiac

As an HR business partner, I manage the ERP HR module by trying to keep my hands clean, shifting the responsibility to my semi hapless team. We had one minor issue left to resolve, and I solved it today.

The residual issue was  that some employees names are not ERP "globally compatible." The ERP has problems with Turkish names with accents marks,  Slavic, Hebraic, Arabian names, and many Asian names.

Only 60% of our staff is negatively impacted however 100% of our nerds are impacted.

In order to get the  ERP not to reject weird non-global names, HR needs to ensure that "staff to align themselves with our ERP. This is in line with our core value of alignment".

The word "alignment" does it to CEO Stan almost as much as internet of things. Stan reads #IoT tweets at night when he gets into bed as an aphrodisiac.

To solve this name alignment mess, I sent the following text to the white, straight boy, Hugh White, from Diversity.

Hugh, aka White Boy,

Rename people as follows for ERP purposes. 
Inform them by text of name change and have them register w immigration.

  • Dong-Derrick
  • Meng-Gloria
  • Zhen-Pauline
  • Vlad-Igor
  • Moshe-Morrie
  • Changsurirothenothenom-Chuck
  • Hiroyasu-Harry
  • Mohamed-Morris
  • Bo-wei-Barry
  • Barack-Vladimir
  • Barrington-Barry
  • Sherryl-Cheryl
  • Francois-Francois
  • Pierre-Pierre
  • Charles-Chuck
  • Yasser-Yossi
  • Yingluck-Margaret
  • Lisl-Queeny

If you ask me, as far as an aphrodisiac is concerned, I need someone who listens to me.

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