Hiring a VP of Sales entails skills and acumen of the first lady of HR

There is an outstanding difference of opinion between our CEO Stan and R&D Czar Comrade Karl Marks about the need for a Head of Sales. Comrade Carl claims that "good technology sells itself." CEO Stan, on the other hand, believes that Comrade Carl is a fucking idiot and that since our product is a "dubious piece of junk", Comrade Carl's opinion will be over ruled. "Gloria, hire a VP Sales pronto, or I will ship you back to Canada, where it is colder than Denmark."

So, I put on my thinking cap and put together a job description to publish in the US, Canada, Britain and Australia, ie in the civilized parts of the world.

Job entails: 

Sales and revenue collection for unique product in embryonic stage with plenty of futuristic value, inshallah.

Ability to use slimy agents in the third world to sell our product from slush funds. Russian, and Chinese language skills critical.

Ability to dodge difficult questions of a technical nature and instead, promote "personal agendas" of the buyer, in line with our core values of corporate expediency.

The candidate must:

• Have white skin
• Wear a suit and tie
• Speak perfect, I mean perfect, English
• Ability to drink like a fish and sting like a bee
• Have a social network at high levels in the third world
• Sing well at karoyoki bars.

I sent this job description to CEO Stan, who texted me back, "now you are talking business, baby". Stan is not politically correct, but boys will be boys. He oked my private yoga lessons as a company expense.