Adjusting compensation to cost of living

 

Some people feel that the cost of living has gone up, what with gas prices,electricity prices, food prices, parking prices etc etc.

I am not one of those people.

This having been said, many of our nerds have been clamoring at my door and picketing the entrance to our building demanding a cost of living increment to their salaries. Probably these nerds have been reading The Daily Worker, El Mundo Obrero, or watching too many Scandinavian Netflix shows. As a result, these nerds have strayed off the trodden path of serfdom.

I have a three pronged approach to these over-zealous nerds, foaming at the mouth from greediness.

First, I provide an explanation about just how much they don't understand/ their salary slip. I provide comparative data from firms such as ours in Albania, South Sudan and Bolivia.

Second prong, to be used if the recalcitrant nerd is still not feeling wow: I compare the nerds' well-being with and without a salary using my Portuguese blockchain, factoring in the number of children that his wife has sired.

The third prong, as it were, is administered by our in-house proctologist,who is not in-house but has a you tube which illustrates the technique. After which, Ms Axe disposes of the nerd using the freight elevator.

89% of our nerds accept the comparative data and move on, bowing their heads in respect to me and Ms Axe. 44% of the nerds are convinced by the second prong, especially if their wife is expecting yet again. 0.008% of the nerds need the proctology you tube. These nerds are generally Russian, or from the more bellicose areas of Eastern Europe or the Mid East.