Comrade Karl Marks, our Chief Nerd and User Experience Guru, told me that he is faced with the "management challenge of his lifetime".
260 of his nerds hail from Russia, 78 of whom are named Svetlana or Vadim.
Up until yesterday, there were 259 pictures of Putin on the walls of our cubicles. The one cubicle wall without the aforementioned picture was that of Comrade Karl himself, who has a picture of himself wearing a cape and holding a Uzi.
As war broke out Comrade Carl sent out an email invitation for a ten o'clock meeting to "all nerds who speak Russian".
This email was recalled by Mister Hugh White, the Head of our Diversity Section. Hugh White is straight and white as a lily.
Hugh recalled the email because "one cannot exclude English, Scottish, Hindi or Hebrew speakers from receiving emails, or else we will be sued for linguistically dising our staff".
This was the first time Hugh has used the word "dis".
At 10.00 every single nerd in his department assembled in the Vladimir Putin Meeting Room, which had been hastily renamed the "Stalingrad Salon".
Comarade Carl went to the podium with a cup of Borsht in his hand and wearing T shirt with a picture of Gorbachev, including the birthmark on his forehead. "Comrades, this is a great day, if you are a warmonger. Kibinimat, who the f-ck is a warmonger in 2022? But hey, since when did the world make sense".
The nerds threw rice at Comrade Carl, as often happens in non-western settings. One of our nerds, Nickolay, asked Comrade Carl if he had served in the Red Army. Comrade Carl asked me: "Gloria, check my CV-my memory is slipping as I age".
Carl, of course, had served in the Red Army, when he was hospitalized for paranoia when he went to Ohio State University. After he was released, he started speaking with a Russian accent and studied Software as part of his rehab.
However, I did not share this information. Discretion is the mother of virtue.
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