Friday 7 January 2022

New "Death and Compassionate Leave" Policy

 With the number of nerds applying for leave following the death of family members back in their tribal homelands, it became incumbent upon me to align our "compassion offering". 

Btw, our compassion offering is part of our Wellness Plan, along with dental insurance (in Uzbekistan) and a 5% discount at Kim's Manicure Parlor, located next to our HQ.  

The new death and compassion offering includes: a subsidized bus ride to the airport and back, $25 dollars (Canadian) to help the family adjust, and a bouquet of flowers for great grandparents who have "crossed the yellow river". Upon returning to the office after no more than five days, we provide a certified promise (documented on our Swiss Blockchain)  that the bereaved nerd will not be fired by text for two weeks, or 14 days, whatever comes first.

When a nerd passes away, laptops must be returned the same day, in line with our core values "steadfastness". However, the bereaved nerd's team can order in a pizza with extra cheese sans anchovies  even if they stay at work only until 9pm, and not the mandatory 9:30 pm. This is valid for three days. 

I know that death is part of life, just as being axed is akin to being hired-but we ladies of HR ease the transition.






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