Time to market, the Russian Corona Vaccine and Software Development

It has been a long time since our management team met face to face. Our CEO's wife, aka 'Wifey', had demanded from her husband Stan to run the business using 'teletrabajo', which appears to work 'not only for the Latins, but all over the world'. And as a result, we had not met for months.

In our last management Zoom call, when CEO Stan noticed that Comrade Carl was in the bathtub reading The Russian Blockchain, I was having a pedicure and CFO Mister Herr Krebbs was reading Süddeutsche Zeitung, he finally put his foot down and invited us to his home for a face to face meeting. 'Gloria', he said,'order in a pizza and diet cokes for the boys and you'.

Comrade Carl arrived at the meeting wearing an elaborate robe which he had ordered online from an Arabian country. Or maybe Indonesia. He was smoking a Cuban cigar and totally barefoot. Carl asked to be the first to speak. CEO Stan agreed because he did not want CFO Krebbs to 'depress us with his negative view of cash flow'.

'I have good news this time, Comrades',stated Carl.

Stan told Carl to 'cease and desist from using Russian nomenclature'. 

So the Comrade continued, 'alsayidat walssada, I bear good tidings. Comrade Putin has given us all a fast-track corona vaccine, whilst all the running dogs of capitalism are struggling to deal with FDA regulations, which don't serve the interest of the common man.'

Stan looked my way, and ask me if 'Carl needs time off'. I promised to revert to him in a timely fashion.

The comrade continued: 'Our latest software release is also ready for the market. Our clients have asked for intense FDA-like testing and capacity testing, in order to impress the regulator. Kibinimat, this is plot to keep our company in poverty. Look at Krebbs who is shitting himself because of the pressures from the banks. I say, let's release our software now, rake in the revenue, and hope for the best'.

I was impressed, but not only up to a point. It's always better to be a centrist that have an opinion,if you ask me.

'Gloria, what do you have to say about the mental health of the team in general, and Comrade Carl in particular?'

I noted that labour costs were low and could be driven down lower, if need be, by demanding more intrinsic motivation. So there was no need to hurry, from a speed perspective.

Stan replied-'Thank you young lady for keeping options open. The pizza has arrived; please take it from the delivery boy, tip him, and divide it up. Wellness, after all, is your job'.

Back to work, thanks to the new Russian vaccine

Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd and masterful product architect, has been managing our Engineering Department by Zoom. The comrade claims that 'product quality has never been been better' even though the product has only been used by one internal user, whose identity is unknown. 

Carl has even been referring to himself as Senor Teletrabajo Numero Uno. The comrade regards Spanish as the language of remote work, in the same way as he regards Danish as the language of bliss, and French as a language that used to appear in passports.

Carl often bragged that he and his nerds had mastered all the skills for managing remotely: wearing dirty sandals and unkempt shorts, mastering bladder control, speak 7 languages (none of them English), hiring and firing by whatsapp and telling family members to shut up during meals if a concall is in progress.

'Nevertheless, this having been said, and all things being considered' said the Comrade, 'this era of working from home needs to end. Now that the Russians have a proven vaccine for Corona, I suggest we inject all our nerds with the new serum, and avanti popolo.'

I immediately agreed to check this idea out with our CEO Stan, who is working from home under supervision of Wifey, who tasks Stan with helping her with various household chores. If you ask me, Stan wants to return to the office more than anyone else, except me. Stan was to escape Wifey whilst I want to escape from having too much time to think.

Upon hearing about Comrade Carl's proposal, CEO Stan asked me if Carl's 5 medications are balanced. Then Stan added, 'a Russian vaccine? Is the Comrade out of his fucking mind? Gloria, take care of this. Wellness is an HR issue!'

I texted Carl by Whatsapp after having spoken with CEO Stan; here is a copy of the conversation.

Gloria-Stan expressed enthusiasm about your proposal, seasoned with a few reservations. He thinks you are agile, global and sustainable.

Comrade Carl-Kibinimat, stop that HR speak. Which side are you on Gloria?

Gloria-Comrade, would you take the Russian vaccine? Would you suggest that your life partner take it. Come clean, Carl.

Comrade Carl- Gloria, yob tvia mat. I took 3 of these Russian injections, and my life partner is none of your business, Btw, we split yesterday when I offered her to administer an injection, gratis.

Gloria-I'll get back to you, Comrade.My sister just texted me.