 |
| Shake a leg, Gloria |
CEO Stan called me at home at 10
AM. In the background, I could hear his dear Wifey yelling, “next time you
piss, put up the toilet seat, you dirty pig”. Stan put his hand over the
speaker, and suggested that his wife “shut the fuck up, you dumb cow”.
I think that their relationship
is not at its peak, both having been quarantined for a month.
Stan wished me good health, and
then he got down to business. “Fire Hugh White, that white weirdo who runs
Diversity”.
I wasn’t exactly shocked, but I
will die before I will lose a job position in the HR Empire.
So I asked Stan
for an explanation, hoping to stall things. “Gloria, don’t make this discussion into a
silk market negotiation. I see no reason for a Diversity programme manager. None
whatsoever. Everyone is working at home.
We can’t see anyone’s skin colour, nor their turbans, skull caps or kufiyahs.
We cannot see who has what handicap, or whatever it’s called nowadays. The
nerds can even work from their bedrooms, and we don’t know who is sleeping with
whom, and how, or when. The courts are closed so no one can sue us. That’s it Ramsbottom, shake a
leg and get it done. Axe Hugh White today. Pronto”.
I sent a Whatsapp to crony of
mine, with whom I studied for a PhD in senior management at Harvard. He works as a
senior director at the Equal Opportunities Unit at the Ministry of Labour. I
used to help him with his French assignments and with German grammar at
Harvard. I reminded him of the many favours I heaped on him.
One hour later, I forwarded the
following email to Stan, asking for guidance.
Ms Ramsbottom,
The Minister of Labour has decided to crack down on reckless, greedy and slimy companies shirking their social responsibilities on diversity during the corona crisis. On June 2, the minister will visit your firm, accompanied by an entourage from the press. Attached is an excel sheet with the 3,354 criteria by which we will audit you. Please ensure all data is entered in our blockchain, en anglais, prior to our arrival.
Yours,
C Ronie
Stan texted me immediately. “You
are a snake, Ramsbottom. But after all, HR managers should be a snake. Retain
Hugh White. Shake a leg”.
 |
| Saved by the ski of his white teeth |
No comments:
Post a Comment