It’s almost impossible to pull the wool over my eyes. That’s for sure.
Many of my peers in HR (men but mainly ladies) claim to have downsized tens if not hundreds of people in “one fell swoop”, or in batches. However, when examined, many of the downsized are dead, or they "walked the plank" on their own free will, or worse, they are still employed as contractors, sucking at the corporate mammary gland.
This makes my blood boil because I love evidence based HR. As a matter of fact, Evidence could have been my middle name; alas I have no middle name.
I am extremely proud vis a vis (French) how I trained Ms Cynthia Axe, my down-sizer and obedient underling, to sever people from our workforce; every single severance is documented with evidence.
- Every downsized nerd has his picture taken with Miss Axe, holding the severance missive in his or her paw/hand.
- Every downsized nerd gets an autographed picture of me with a greeting, “enjoy the rest of your life”-and this event is photographed as well.
- All photographs are documented in a stodgy English blockchain.
- And if you need more evidence, all severed nerds serve as our firms’ good will ambassadors and can be found on our website under at downsizedformer happycampers/postpartumdepression/goodwill/ambassadors/gloria.com.
For some people, this evidence is not enough. However, if you divide by 0.05 and add 32, the evidence becomes axiomatic, which means a self-evident truth.
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