Comrade Carl Marks
Comrade Carl Marks addressed the nerds from the Big Data and Internet of Things teams in the framework of our Leadership Academy, which uses internal leaders to foster management talent. This saves the costs of external vendors who always challenge HR's thought leadership.
Comrade Carl invited me and our CFO Herr Krebbs to attend, in line with our core values of "keep your friends close and your enemies closer."
The comrade lectured on "Parasites and Eco System of Emerging Technology"; 200 of the 300 nerds were texting (to their tribal homelands) on 2 their mobile phones during the Comrade's talk.
The comrade's talk took 3 hours, and I will distill what he said below, in line with my key value of being brief in order not to loose attention of my readers, many of whom do not speak English as a first language.
"Boys, I have told you before that purchased sex is cheaper than free sex, yet I have noticed that some of your are getting married. Don't come running to me for a pay raise. Look at Gloria from HR, we all know that HR prefers phony engagement plans over salary increases."
"In order to understand the ecosystem of emerging technology, think of a beautiful horse: proud, muscular and exquisite. Then, imagine that the horse has taken a dump. And imagine the flies hovering near the horses' arse and the dump.
In this metaphor, the horse is the developer. This developer exists in a ecosystem.
The dump is Finance. Who gives a shit about money as long as we get paid our salaries, kibinimat. And the flies are both our clients and HR, both of whom live off our excretions, as it were.
To be honest, the clients are preferable to HR because they pay us!
In you ask me, the CFO and the ladies of HR need to provide nerds with user experience, not hover like parasites, kibinimat."
Herr Krebbs our CFO, who was sitting next to me, said that "in Germany, zpeaking like zis in a lecture iz unacceptable. And he has no data to back up vat he is zaying".
My Dad Pierre Elliot told me that when he was in lectures in the RCAF (Royal Canadian Air Force), he slept half the time. Yet I did notice that some of the nerds who understood English were awake as Carl ended his talk by saying, "Gloria, thanks for coming; what a lovely pair of stems you have. Le hayim and bunden i vejret eller resten i håret."