I need to think-and it is painful.
Executive Vice President of R&D Comrade Carl Marks' personality started to disintegrate after the release of our newest product which has 55,988 revenue impacting bugs.
Comrade Carl said that our "product is a pearl and unsophisticated clients can go fuck themselves". Then he decided to take two weeks off "to do some banking in the Caribbean".
Our CEO Stan hopes that I can help "re-integrating" the Comrade to reality, in line with my core values of realignment. In a rare moment of transparency, our CEO Stan sent me a text, "what can be done with Comrade Carl-he made need help, such as cost effective coaching!"
A word about Comrade Carl-Carl's R&D team consists of Indians, Thais, Israelis, Russians, Ukrainians and one old South African comrade named de Villiers. Only 74% of the team understand him sometimes.
American born and bred Comrade Carl Marks not only speaks Russian most of the time with his team, but even when he speaks English, he has adopted a thick Russian accent. (for example, he mispronounces big data as "pik dayta").
I could go on and on, but I won't in line with my core values of not going on and on.
Carl does indeed need help of the HR ilk. I have several options:
On one hand, I could help Comrade Carl by providing him with coaching with my bare hands. I am a seasoned HR business partner, and coaching is my middle name.
On the other hand, I could hire a cost-effective coach, who may prove to be disloyal and undermine HR's professional authority.
On the third hand, I could dither and enable Comrade Carl to fail, in line with my core value of self preservation.
My Dad, Pierre Elliot, used to say, "Gloria, mon chou, people do not have three hands".
I will sleep on this for a while, although my tendency is to let nature take its course, given Comrade Carl's non wow attitude to HR.
Tuesday, 24 June 2014
On one hand
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