Sunday, 5 January 2014

HR to CEO: Prepare b4 "Managing by Walking Around"

Stan doit se préparer
Stan needs to prepare

Last night, I closed my  Blackberry Q10 for a few moments, (do not ask why) and when I opened it this morning, I had 34 texts from CEO Stan telling me of his plans. He plans to return to work on Monday full of piss and vinegar and manage by walking around". (My late father Pierre Elliot Ramsbottom used that term  a lot). 
Here is one of the texts he sent me:

"Glo, Wifey wants you to brief me. Send me a brief and detailed text which prepares me to walk around and manage, in line with our key values of No Surprises. Stan."

In order to prepare  Stan to manage by walking around, I shall emphasize 6 points:

1) His personal chef, K Ray Beauregard-Goldstein, should not feed him lasagna in the morning, because he eats like a filthy pig
(sale cochon ); the lasagna drips from his quadruple chin. Stan and I have never had THAT kind of global conversation.

2) Stopping by the desk of Cynthia Axe ( Head of Our Involuntary Early  Bird Retirement Program) and telling how how "valued she is and then asking her to "step things up" .....is not a good idea.

3) In Engineering, R&D, no one speaks English, so there is no need for him to "stray" onto the R&D floor.

4) All the company knows (it is big data) that Stan's daughter Carla cohabits with R&D Chief Comrade Carl Marks.
Comrade Carl "knocked her up", as my late dad would have said. Stan needs to "put together a communication strategy" before he starts walking around. All over the company, folks have photos of a very pregnant Carla and Comrade Carl, with non wow comments scribbled in Hebrew, Tamil, Chinese or Russian.

5) When passing by the cubicle of Hugh White, the heterosexual white boy who runs Diversity, Stan should refrain from asking, "so how is the sex life of employees, White"?

6) When Stan meanders by Supply Chain, he must lower his voice when  asking "how many vendors have you driven into receivership"!

The sex life of employees is Hugh White's domain




1 comment:

  1. Stan should be sure to wear his royal robe, for people to touch the hem as he passes.

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