Sunday, 29 December 2013

Non shocking results for Jan Organizational Survey-2016

I remain well - loved! Mais oui!

Here is a short summary of the semi wow results of the January 2016 organizational survey, sent by text to all employees.

  •      CEO Stan is disappointed about all followership, except from his HR Business Partner.
  •    Stan’s worst complaint was about “Communication”. “I cannot understand any of the meetings with our nerds, because only 7% speak proper English". 
  •    Procurement is very disappointed with our Vendors, who have preferred to stop supplies as opposed to going into receivership.
  •    100% of all Danes in our company are "very happy". 
  •    MOST DETESTED employee is Ms Cynthia Axe, Head of our Involuntary Early Bird Retirement Plan; her cleavage was voted "Cleavage of the Year”.
  •   Training and Talent Management webinars were voted “sleeping aid” of the year.
  •   100% of management sampled believes we have the “wrong people on the bus”.
  •    HR was voted the most responsive function in our company, “especially when it comes to downsizing”.
  •    100% of people sampled love my hyphenated name, and legs.
  •    I have lost the results to the question, “Does HR kiss Stan’s rear end or care for the masses”?
  •    Big Data Chief Comrade Carl Marks was voted Manager of the Year by non-native English speakers.  
  •    0.16% of French nationals in our company believe my Quebec accent in French is "charming".
  •     Most popular management slogan is zenga zenga.
We may discuss the results in a “Whatsapp” chat room some time in Q1, 2019.

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