I remain well - loved! Mais oui!
Here is a short summary of the semi wow results of the January 2016 organizational survey, sent by text to all employees.
- CEO Stan is disappointed about all followership, except from his HR Business Partner.
- Stan’s worst complaint was about “Communication”. “I cannot understand any of the meetings with our nerds, because only 7% speak proper English".
- Procurement is very disappointed with our Vendors, who have preferred to stop supplies as opposed to going into receivership.
- 100% of all Danes in our company are "very happy".
- MOST DETESTED employee is Ms Cynthia Axe, Head of our
InvoluntaryEarly Bird Retirement Plan; her cleavage was voted "Cleavage of the Year”.
- Training and Talent Management webinars were voted “sleeping aid” of the year.
- 100% of management sampled believes we have the “wrong people on the bus”.
- HR was voted the most responsive function in our company, “especially when it comes to downsizing”.
- 100% of people sampled love my hyphenated name, and legs.
- I have lost the results to the question, “Does HR kiss Stan’s rear end or care for the masses”?
- Big Data Chief Comrade Carl Marks was voted Manager of the Year by non-native English speakers.
- 0.16% of French nationals in our company believe my Quebec accent in French is "charming".
- Most popular management slogan is zenga zenga.
We may discuss the results in a “Whatsapp” chat room some time in Q1, 2019.