Tuesday, 16 July 2013

Drama free environment needed to keep IoT Nerds productive

Drama free-svp
Following a pizza slinging match between Sales and the "futuristic" Internet of Things team , as well as a non-wow breakdown of the Plan of Record Meeting which ended in 3 non-wow black eyes  and a car bombing, CEO Stan has demanded that a webinar be commissioned  to develop and foster a drama free environment.  (The word foster reminds me of Cousin Fester from the Adams Family, Los locos Adams)

The term drama free environment comes, no doubt, from Wifey, Stan's HR blog-reading wife.

Drama free environment sound pretty much to me like "internet of things", or big data. But it isn't. Internet of things is a mega slogan, here for a long time....like HR business partnership.

"What a pile of crap all these word are", my father (Pierre Elliot Ramsbottom, RIP) would have said. 

So getting back to the point, I am issuing an RFP for the Drama Free Environment webinar. 
  • The vendor must plan and deliver a compact, cost-effective session on the creation, maintenance, and fostering of a drama free work environment. The word "foster" must be used 45 times.
  • The vendor should have a British  accent. 
  • The vendor should also be hungry and highly deferential to HR. Grovelling is accepted.
  • The vendor must must sign a vow never ever ever to meet CEO Stan.  I manage Stan, and no one else.
  • The training must explain the value of being civil, the art of leveraging hard work to manage anger, the role of HR business partnership, the enmeshment of HR and Internet of things, and the link between being civil and a meeting with a certain Cynthia Axe, who heads our Early Bird Retirement Program.
I am also looking for a vendor to remove a tattoo from my shoulder in a timely and painless fashion. 
Ever since I have started to immerse myself in Internet of Things, I have decided to become more of a data driven nerd.

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