Sunday, 7 April 2013

"Set a high goal, or your head will role"

So much talent that needs to be managed

"We have so much talent, yet all of our deliveries are late. Our clients are furious! What the hell is wrong here? Gloria, I want you to look at performance evaluation and revamp it to ensure folks have the right focus; get back to me in a week with a solution". This was how my meeting with CEO Stan ended on Friday.

I asked a certain Ms Axe to "get her hands" around performance evaluation issues by Monday (today), and she sent a few civil texts  to staff and employees this weekend to "research" the issue-and under my auspices (which is a nice word),  I think corrective action can be put in place.

1) HR will "manage our nerds expectations between performance evaluation and rewards".

2) HR will introduce flexi-goals, to enable "retroactive performance evaluation", whilst honouring our human resources with dignity and with civility. (This sentence is dedicated to my readers in Brunei).

3) HR will ask CEO Stan to issue an email on the importance of performance evaluations in the framework of agility, globalism and sustainability. The full Monty, as it were!

4) Middle managers (inspired by Comrade Carl Marks) who tell employees "this evaluation is only done for that bitch Ramsbottom" will be axed to meet with young Ms Cynthia Axe (Head of our Early Bird Retirement Plan) for a one on one-for a career path session.

5) Our new HR mission statement is: "Set  a high goal, or your head will role"

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