Comrade Karl
Last week, a leading software magazine rated our last two products as
sublime crap and unripe bananas. The article infuriated our CEO Stan, who often
has anger management problems because of his diet, his wife, his banker and the
quality of our software releases. Stan demanded that our Chief Nerd and Client
Experience Officer, Comrade Karl Marks, present a road map "to extricate
us from the fangs of this negative review".
Recently, Comrade Karl has been somewhat detached from his usual
hands-on approach.
Instead the Comrade has being floating above the worries of the nitty
gritty of software development. His recent interests have included
speaking to the various investors about the CEO’s limitations, Danish
grammar, and Huge Data- AI styled.
Nevertheless, the Comrade prepared a 'grand' presentation called 'What
is to be done", in which he spelled out a road map to negate, castigate
and eliminate the negative fallout from the recent press review of
"our outstanding products, both of which are pearls".
Here are a few pearls from Comrade Carl's presentation.
"One cannot judge a software product in and of itself. It must be
evaluated in the context of the user, the economy, the Zeitgeist and
the Gemeinschaftsgefühl of the user environment.”
Our CFO, Mister Herr Krebbs, asked Carl if he was sleeping during
German lessons. Carl cursed Herr Krebbs in Russian (Zamochi, kibinimat).
Then, the comrade continued.
"I believe that using software without a transcorporal mindset is
worse than legal abortion, drug use and premarital sex in Iran. It is worse
than legal activism. Worse than Brexit and far worse than Merkel's misjudging
of Putin. Software and its user have no interface. We are all one; in
essence, the Danes are not wrong". Carl wiped his brow and sat down,
grinning like a gato, the Spanish word for cat.
Herr Krebbs passed me a note, "Fraulein Gloria, is ze Comrade
taking Pervitin? It's illegal!" Stan sent me a
text as well. "Does our medical and wellness plan cover this? What's this
new thing about the Danes and transcorporality? Please handle this for me.
Tak.
Ms Axe (Cynthia, our beloved right-sizing Czar), inquired if our
downsized staff from 2002 and onwards can now be considered as “fully employed”
in alignment with our new core value of “transcorporality”.
