CEO Stan looked very concerned when I met him in the executive elevator at 7.59 AM.
I thought that he was upset when he found one of our nerds, who had worked all night, asleep on the floor of the elevator. But I was wrong, although I don't like saying that. Stan spoke: "4 of our 4 top accounts want to uninstall our new product. Gloria, make preparations to send Comrade Carl and a bunch of his nerds to the client site on a one way ticket, in coach, until they get the product up and running. And let them take an ethnic airline, like Alitalia, Iberia or El AL."
I sauntered out of the elevator and walked into Comrade Carl's office. He had changed the "touch and feel" of his office by hanging pictures of Joe Biden, Kamalla Harris and Marshall Zhukov on his walls. I informed Comrade Carl of his upcoming overseas soujorn and suggested he pack his bags at once. The Comrade told me "I have no bags. That's a bourgois excess". Tovarish (Comrade) Carl poured himself a glass of brandy in a flask (that had a picture of U Thant) and suggested that we walk over to the conference room for the morning management meeting-during which I sit next to CEO Stan.
Stan opened the meeting by castigating Comrade Carl. "Your software sucks Comrade. Straighten up! Off you go to Pago Pago, Pago Pago Pago, Inuit and Uzbekistan to fix it, you louse. I should never have hired you, you scumbag."
CEO Stan needs a coach, if you ask me.
Comrade Carl turned red in the face. "I'm not going, not until I address the management teams of our thankless clients by Zoom. I want to knock some sense into their thick skulls. I call for an end of this. I rebuke their stupidity. I reject their claims.This is outrageous. This is a conspiracy, kibinimat. I suspect that Gloria and the HR team have recruited turncoats, client spies, Benedict Arnold and Arnold Benedict. Using a blockchain to recruit is the only answer. Who needs HR?"
Being a Canadian, I did not know who Arnold Benedict is. Even CEO Stan, who is from Missouri, did not know. He told me "Get the Comrade some Xanex before he leaves".
As Comrade Carl and 5 nerds, all named Igor, headed for the airport, Stan asked me if Comrade Carl is flying El Al. "I want him to really suffer".
