Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd and User Experience Counter-Advocate, invited me to attend a talk that he gave to his Team Leaders in the Stalingrad Room this morning on the subject "Leadership Attributes for 2022".
Karl was smoking a Cuban cigar which he occasionally dipped in wine, and seemed to be a bit manic, if you ask me. Behind him was a map of Denmark albeit he did not refer to it.
Karl started by saying, "Boys, all 22 Svetlanas, Gloria: lend me your ear. 2022 presents us with leadership challenges of a new dimension. Our product is coming into fruition: it's almost robust. On the other hand, our clients are fearful, quivering "laf-lafs who don't know their ass from their elbow".
The nerds all started to check their mobiles to translate the word laf-laf. But Igor volunteered that laf-laf means "geeky wonk".
"Furthermore," continued Karl, "working from home has become a paradise for shirkers; HR insists on implementing deferred compensation rendering our employee experience like that of a prisoner in an Alabama jail. My plan to set up a union have been thwarted by Gloria, our cunning, wicked and devilish HR manager, who makes Benedict Arnold look benign. Kibinimat, what a fuck up 2022 will be unless we adapt.
These are the top three things I will be looking for in 2022: selflessness; steadfastness and obedience. Yes! Da! Si! Oui, Tak! Vive la France. Long live Cynthia Axe."
Carl walked down slowly from the podium; his nerds kissed his ring and threw rice at him, as is the custom in the non English speaking world.
As he exited the Stalingrad Room, he threw me a kiss and tipped his hat.
