Resuming Business Travel as the so-called Covid Pandemic Fizzles Out

Travel is like gun ownership in the USA

 Our CEO Stan convened a meeting of the senior management team this morning; on the agenda was the need to resume business travel. “We need to grease some palms, smooth out some rough edges and take a few of our clients to get drunk-otherwise I don’t see any way that we can convince anyone to purchase our new software, which, if you ask me, is as useless as tits on a bull”.

I texted Stan that some of the words he chooses are passe, but he ignored me. An HR lady who has been ignored better fix her antennas, or her goose is cooked. So I aligned myself and became less woke for the time being.

CEO Stan asked the team what are the major barriers facing renewed business travel; Stan asked me to write down the comments on the white board. When I was tasked with writing on the white-board, I was pretty sure than Stan was still taking revenge on the “bull issue”.

The list of difficulties was formidable: many borders are closed, plane schedules are erratic; some airports are closed; some hotels have closed down; daily covid tests are needed; some countries don’t recognize certain vaccines, buses and trains are petri dishes of infections and there is no health insurance for travellers. Comrade Carl told the story of a Bangalore based friend of his who went to the USA for a wedding and had to stay there for 9 months. Mister Herr Krebbs said that the cost of keeping a nerd abroad due to emergency regulation preventing travel “vud be enormous”.

I commented that “virtual travelling” is now in style, mentioning in passing that many Australians who  served in the Navy and speak French as well as  Greek have made this type of non-travel travel very popular. Stan told me that “Australia is so bloody remote that all that they think about is getting back to civilization”. Then Stan added, “Gloria, I want a travel policy out by tomorrow morning which encourages business travel”.

To say that I was shocked is incorrect. I am never shocked. Hoping to find an answer, I ran out to a bookstore to pickup the newest state-of-art HR cook book, “Organisationer I En Overgangstif-Handbog for Ledere”, which was written surprisingly in a foreign language. I was told that the English translation was forthcoming, as soon as business travel resumes.

Despondent but positive, I issued the following email:- “Business travel is akin to gun ownership or health care in the USA. It’s a private matter which needs to remain unregulated; nerds must align their travel needs with the interests of the client and the corporate. HR will set up a portal within 6 months to provide morale support. Shake a leg”.

Compulsory Vaccination Policy and the HR Lady

                                                                Prof Gloria

The tension in the senior management meeting was palpable, which is a very exciting word. In attendance were CEO Stan, Chief Nerd Comrade Karl Marks, CFO Herr Mister Krebbs, and yours truly the first lady of HR. On the agenda was but one item, "should we enforce vaccination on the recalcitrant nerds who refuse to undergo such a procedure"?

CEO Stan, who chaired the meeting (by Zoom), was standing up, since his hemorrhoids are inflamed, which often happens when he is under stress. And believe me, he in under stress; the Board revoked his first class travel "in order to give personal example to the rank and file".

Stan asked each of us to "briefly state your opinions because I have more important things to do than get your input on this question. For fu-k sake, what type of ignoramuses have you all recruited"?

Chief Nerd Comrade Karl said that in Russia, "during Stalin's time, people who refuse to take a vaccine would have been shot, by Lavrentiy Beria or Lazar Kaganovitz who were compliance officers of the highest order". CEO Stan cut Comrade Karl short- "shut up, you moron; we are not in Russia. Take your meds".

                                          Kaganovitch

Our German CFO Mister Herr Krebbs gave a detailed financial report of 236 slides cost accounting all the alternatives. After his three hour presentation, Krebbs said that "I hope to haf all ze details by next veek". Stan texted me asking if Herr Krebbs work-visa in about to expire. I answered in a timely fashion, since I am always available.

Then came my turn.

I weaved in three factors: wellness, teletrabajo, and our core values. Stan asked me why I was using a Spanish word for working from home. "Gloria, are you eating too much paella at night? Speak in English, or I'll send you back to Canada on a one way ticket by American Eagle".

Always in compliance, I reverted to English and gave a fuzzy opinion, gravitating between business partnership, people and my own long term survival.

In the end, Stan told me to give our downsizer, Ms Axe, a hundred syringes to stab refuseniks in the bum inadvertently when they enter the building.