Hugh White coaches CEO Stan on Gender Pronouns for her New Years' Address

Hugh White on Gender

CEO Stan in a rare moment of honesty admitted that "human interaction in our company is shit ever since corona hit us; this pandemic is worse than our software".  

I was not surprised to learn of Stan's pessimism. The Board has banned all executive travel in first class , eliminated Stan's bonus, and "put my cajones in a clamp", to quote Stan himself, in her, no his, very own words. One of those words appears to be non-English.

Stan asked me to write a message to all the nerds for the new year, whether or not they celebrated the new year or not. Hugh White, the straight white boy who runs Diversity, told me that it is "counter culture" to assume that such a message would be appreciated. Hugh added, "Ms Gloria, Stan should at least be more cognizant of gender pronouns. She is very politically incorrect and this can be very insulting".

Sadly, Hugh's warning reached Stan's mailbox; she was furious. No, he was furious. I am getting confused. I told Hugh to desist and refrain from jumping overboard, as often happens, bombarding us with nonsense. Us meaning them, or us. I am not sure.

Hugh contacted her wife Ludmilla, who told Hugh not to get fired because they have no money, they being Hugh and her wife Ludmilla. No, Hugh and his wife Ludmilla. Again I am confused.

But Hugh couldn't control himself. That evening, Hugh (m) wrote an email to Stan (m).

Dear Stan,

Gender pronouns must be used appropriately. Otherwise, you may be labelled as bigoted, anti-Black, anti Semitic, Corbynist, and a running dog of the American imperialism.

Gloria is a great HR manager; help him succeed even more by using proper english, with a small e.

Tak,

Hugh White

PS You cannot fire me. I have pictures of you and Mr Cynthia Axe.

An Unknown Russian 

Administering the vaccines to the nerds and management

 

Hi Gloria

It’s time to get all my nerds back in the office, kibinimat. They have developed some nasty habits at home, such as eating 3 meals a day, listening to their wives / and or significant other, and multi-tasking during the meetings that I run, whilst looking for jobs as "blockchain repairmen".

I have procured 600 vaccines on the black market; 500 Russian vaccines, two posh British vaccines as well as 48 Moderna and Pfizer jabs. I have also contacted and contracted with 2 fledshers from the former Red Army to administer these vaccines.

All I need you to do is to do the logistics, which is what HR is all about, if you ask me. We, meaning I, need refrigerators to store these vaccines, insurance for those taking the Russian vaccine, an enforcement policy to ensure compliance (another core competency of HR) as well as a PR campaign, the very essence of HR.

Before I wrote this email, I called out on CEO Stan to agree to my plan, and you can be assured that whilst you maintain your seat at the table, you need to do what you are told. Spasiba.

I am awaiting your reply. By the way, I saw Ms Axe (Cynthia) at the chemists and I think she gained 2 stone, all in her bum. But ignore this “aside” if you get my drift, and there is a drift to get.

Have you been following the mink issue in Denmark? It had appeared that the world was coming to an end. Even the minks which were buried resurfaced because they weren’t buried deep enough.  Russia is probably better run than Scandinavia, it appears.

Comrade Carl Marks, Chief Nerd and System Architect; PhD, Russian Politechnique.

 

 

My dear Tovarish Comrade Carl,

As you know, I am here to serve. And so I shall proceed, in a timely fashion, to support you in your virile efforts to get things back on track.

The refrigerators for the vaccine are being manufactured in a factory in Mongolia, and I need a detailed technical description of our exact requirements  for the manufacturer in the Mongolian language. The manufacturer also needs  agile software support to get approval for the export of these refrigerators to us (since we are not a government agency); the fridges  will be routed thru the Ukraine once they get our specs.  Please assist them by so doing. It shouldn't take long.

The Russian vaccine can be administered in our parking lot, assuming “one” can get an ok to put the refrigerators there. I am not that “one”, by the way, just in case you were thinking. Our law firm, whom you chose, which is located in Russia, will take care of this.

I will have the British vaccine, which apparently cannot harm a fly. The second British vaccine will be administered to Wifey, CEO Stan’s better half.

The other vaccines can be given out to the nerds in a random fashion, and I have asked the white heterosexual boy who runs Diversity, Hugh White, to make sure no one is discriminated against, not even black ladies, white men, or descendants of the first nation, which sounds so good.

I did know about Denmark, which alas, is no longer very Danish, so it appears.

Prof Dr Gloria van Ramsbottom, PhD (4); Esquire. Senior VP 

HR and Warm Data Gatekeeper.