Thursday, 19 December 2013

Measuring Performance Hourly

Measuring is more important than texting

CEO Stan called me into his office today for a short on-one-one. Stan was stuffing his fat face with cost effective lasagna prepared by his personal chef, K Ray Beauregard-Goldstein, who has mixed ethnicity.

Stan said ``Glo, starting now, HR must  measure performance weekly. HR will both drive & coordinate this effort, instead of all that Diversity nonsense that you and Hugh White deal with``. 
Then he continued: ``I want an on-line measuring mechanism to ensure we have 3 IT go-lives weekly, 30 people are downsized daily, big data engineers learn English and morale quadruples. 
He summed up: "If needed, measure everything by the hour until all parameters improve. THESE ARE YOUR STRETCH GOALS, Ms Gloria RAMBOTTOM-LEMIEUX.`` 

I was shocked when Stan then asked me in French, `Tu as compris?`` That means, `Do you get it?``

I had no idea Stan speaks French. He is from the US Midwest. I find the Americans to be linguistically limited.

I am from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, which is in the middle of nowhere in Canada. My Dad Pierre Elliot's mother, Chantal, was from Quebec and Dad spoke to me in French until my brothers Frank and Ernest were born.

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