Monday, 9 June 2025

Outdated fluff

 

After being asked a query about training needs, my AI powered assistant, Miss Axe  recommended a webinar for our team of software aficionados—something brief, impactful, and with that elusive "wow" factor. 

As expected, Miss Axe responded in nanoseconds with a suggestion: “Meeting and Yet Exceeding Customers' Expectations.”

The webinar, generously posted for free on YouTube by its facilitator, Julia Julio Delores Sanchez O’Conner, seemed promising. I messaged her on WhatsApp to see if she could adapt the content to suit our particular needs. She replied that she'd first need to speak with our Head of Development, Comrade Karl Marks.

We also touched on fees. I floated the idea that, should she tailor the webinar gratis, I’d give her a glowing plug. I sensed she might be operating on a tight budget, and she agreed.

However, Comrade Marks flatly refused even to entertain the idea of speaking with her. I’m attaching his response—judge for yourself:


From: Karl Marks
To: Gloria
Subject: Re: Webinar Nonsense

Gloria,

Kibinimat, you've outdone yourself once again. Your over-reliance on AI and under-reliance on your brain have led you astray. "Meeting customer expectations" is as outdated as Methuselah—who, as you may recall, was extremely old. Ask any preacher.

That kind of fluff expired in the 1950s, around the same time Beria met his end courtesy of the NKVD.

Software, by its very nature, is half-baked. It takes years to mature—like a banana. Most clients, bless their hearts, lack the mindset or technical sophistication to appreciate our work. Let’s be honest: they’re often delusional about what to expect.

Pizdiets. The real challenge is not meeting expectations, but managing them—something you should know by now, silly girl.

In my long career across both Russia and the former USSR, we’ve perfected three key tactics for managing customer expectations:

  1. Feigned listening

  2. Promises of future functionality (on the other hand)

  3. A weekend in Detroit

I’m currently cruising down the Volga, but we’ll speak when I return.

Karl


After reading Karl’s charming email, I took the executive elevator down. When the doors opened—lo and behold—Comrade Karl was just pulling out of the car park.





Outdated fluff

  After being asked a query about training needs, my AI powered assistant, Miss Axe  recommended a webinar for our team of software aficiona...

Glo at her best