Friday, 17 August 2018

A blockchain dedicated summer-camp visits our firm

An HR job

One of our core values is social responsibility. The value is so core that we have not changed it since the Vikings ruled the waves.

We express our core values in three ways. We hire illegal immigrants at high sea (somewhere off the coast of Libya), we serve tribal food in our dining hall & donate the remains to the local YMCA, and each summer we host a group of twelve years olds from a local summer camp dedicated to blockchain enrichment, which is run for the children of the Tax Authority.

CEO Stan asked me to "personally organize the day for the kids, Gloria. That's a pure HR job, isn't it". I tried to delegate this role to Hugh White, the white straight lad who runs Diversity, but since these kids were all white and too young to have a sexual orientation he claimed "that's not why I was hired. My wife stands behind me on this". Hugh's wife, Ludmilla White nee Khrushchev, tends to wear the pants in the White family. Ludmilla's great grandfather worked for a nasty, wicked chap  named Lazar Kaganovitch, who apparently helped form Ludmilla's  "forceful" character.
Formed Ludmilla's character

I planned 3 main events for the kids, who arrived prim and proper at 10 AM. One of our nerds from Scotland described our product to the kids in plain and simple terms, using great pyrotechnics. When he asked if there were any questions, the kids asked "what language are you speaking"?

Then we took the kids to the customer service centre. We put one of the calls on a loud speaker. The client was in Korea and our service engineer was in Bangalore. The client was swearing at the service engineer, who resigned in the middle of the call. Our churn rate for service engineers in Bangalore is 28 minutes per engineer, daily. The kids laughed a lot whenever a curse word was uttered.

Finally we took the kids up for lunch at our company cafeteria. It was Smelly Spicy Food Day, and 5 white Americans from Sales were having severe stomach issues and a strange stench permeated the air. The kids tried to guess "what the hell that smell is"? Then, the police arrived to arrest our kitchen staff, who landed from Syria just a week ago. 

Towards end the day, I ushered the kids into CEO Stan's office. Stan was on the line with an angry customer and texted me, "take those brats up to Mister Herr Krebbs in Finance. He'll handle this for me".

Mister Herr Krebbs told me at the door of his office,  "Ich rede nicht mit Kinderin", or something like that. "In Germany, we send our kids to the Black Forest in sommer, vit no focus on blockchain".

Delegates to Mister Herr Krebbs

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