Tuesday, 9 July 2013

"Chief Transparency Officer"

Yes, we have no bananas

Wifey, the indefatigable partner of our CEO Stan, is again reading management articles as she vacations alone in Mexico.

CEO Stan is glad that he married such an intellectual, but he is glad he has his home for himself.

Each and every day, Stan sends the most beautiful flower bouquets to Wifey (via Oviedo Florists); nevertheless but all the more so, Wifey remains critical of Stan and floods him daily with non wow ideas. 

Wifey believes that her husband Stan's day is done at the end of 2017 unless "he listens to me".

Stan and Wifey spoke by Skype for 3 hours on the weekend; Wifey had read an article called "Transparency: the Religion of the Successful CEO". 

At the end of the Skype conversation, Stan texted me and told me to recruit a Chief Transparency Officer. "This is more important than the Internet of Things".

I rarely argue with Wifey's ideas but I did do some risk analysis for Stan about full transparency, as well as a "risk mitigation plan". 
Stan listened to me and agreed to a "modified" role for the Chief Transparency Officer.

The Chief Transparency Office will sit in the ``Snowden Room``and his role will encompass-

1-Ensure that the pressure Stan faces from the Bank is transparent.

2-Ensure that the pressure Stan faces from our shifty Board members is transparent.

3-Ensure that the pressure from the clients for products that work is transparent to our useless engineers, who need to be managed zenga zenga.

4-Monitor with minimal frequency the level of transparency of Stan`s first class travel.

5-Monitor the sexual behaviour of our staff, in coordination with the white heterosexual white boy who heads Diversity, Hugh White.

6-Monitor and squelch the level of transparency about the numbers of  talented engineers who want to leave our company to pursue a career in internet of things.

7- All texts, emails, BBMs, Whatsapps, Skype calls, etc will be "monitored anonymously"- just to insure that everything is wow wow wow. (This data will be classified as Big Data.)

8-Monitor the positive attitude and motivation of our staff, using state of the art GPS-"embedded" technology, and zenga zenga leadership techniques.

Please note:-

The Chief Transparency Office may also listen to phone calls made by visiting dignitaries, and make the content transparent to CEO Stan.


  1. To ensure true transparency the CTO should also randomly read all texts, emails, sms messages, skype calls, and data files - just to insure that everything is on the up and up.....

  2. Done Dura!
    Thanks for that global and sustainable plug and play.